staring right back in the face
a memory cant be erased
i know, because i tried
start to feel the emptiness
and everything im gonna miss
i know, that i cant hide.

so you sailed away.. into a grey sky morning.

when you come back down
if you land on your feet
i hope you find a way to make it back to me
when you come aroundI
i’ll be there for you
don’t have to be alone
with what you’re going through

can you remember?
long toilet breaks.
secrets.
laughter.
pictures.
kfc.
joy.
vajana.
looking through all the pictures made me realise
how i much i miss the old us
and how much has changed over the year.
its sad, but i guess things happen for a reason yeah.



but no matter what happens
i'll always be there for the both of you
and i hope you will too.
you guys still mean alot, you're still important to me.
and you still play a huge part in my life.
please dont walk away.
and i really hope we'll still stay close, if not, good friends,
no matter how far we might drift
or whatever obstacles we may face along the course of this year.
thank you for showing me what true friends really mean.
take care okay
and know that i'll love you always vaja.
there is none like you (:

Labels: vajana bootbuttthigh

maybe my love wasnt enough
to keep you here with me.

i could've opened my heart
and let you inside.

your head starts to hurt
you just close your eyes.
close your eyes.



i came back to this place for that initial sole purpose
but the sensation brought about by a certain familiarity
of old entries and passwords
of old times good times bad times

they sink in with time

nostalgia.. has brought me back here again.

she warms my heart
and knows where all my imperfections are

Labels: nostalgia.

wow.. it feels really weird that i've started blogging here again.
elaboratedskies, here i am (:
looking back at all my old posts really made me realise alot of things.




its been 1 year and 3 months.

Labels: good to be back.

soooo today was our math and lit paper!
math was ehhookkaaayyy lah.
but the time passed by very fast D:
like after a while looking up at the clock, 15 mins would've already passed.
and i'll start panicking.
and that is really noooooooo good.
the question about the Moribus and Modestus thing was confusing like shit.
i had to keep reading it to check over and over again whether i was finding the right thing.
cos they both looked like the same what.
haha okay whatever.

lit was not that bad.
i realised i actually like sitting for lit exams hahahahha funnaye ah.
but yeah, its the most enjoyable exam. for me (:
and the poem about the little boy was kinda sad actually /:
after the paper, claire was almost crying cos she said she thinks she wrote too little.
and when we asked her what she meant by 'too little',
she said
'i only used two sides of the paper for one question ):'
WOAH. like that also not enough.
she's so pantat-ish.




okay im supposed to be reading my peribahasa now.
but burd buhd but!
the computer's too tempting d:
resist the temptation baby,
sorry i cant.




my dad's back!!
god, you dont know how relieved i am.
and the first thing he said to me when i got into the car was,
'shasha i dont like your new room'
haha walau damn mean lah.
he said the purple's making him blind plus the bedsheets and everything else.
in all, he just thinks its too BRIGHT.
and when i told him i didnt decide anything,
he said he'll talk to my mum about it!
but like ya, there's no point since my mum wont even listen to him
cos she always gets what she wants.
so aiyyyayayyayaya.



i dont know if its just me,
or am i just getting more irritated with my mum every single day.
maybe every teenager goes through this,
maybe some with their dads.
maybe some with both.
yeah but i guess its all the same.
its like sometimes i feel her nags are really damn blood-sucking.
and it annoys me to see how much she can go on and on and on
about one bloody topic.
but at other times, i actually bother listening to her nag?
yeahh ohhhwelll.
betcha think im mad haha.
but ya after all she is my mum,
and i'll still love her no matter.
SO MA I LOVE YOU.
by the way,
eunice says you remind her of the malay version of rosie from phua chu kang hahahahahahaha.
okay lah im so bad.




tonight's gonna be a teevee marathon day!
so you think you can dance and america's next top model :D




gummies make me a happy girl, i swear.

i think im gonna go for a walk.





the hardest thing;

im up early than usual today.
kinda weird, considering the fact i didnt really sleep well last night.
but yeah its good i guess.
cos according to the highest in my house,
she said that people who get up late tend to put on more weight.
i dont know what rubbish logic is that,
haha but somehow i still listen to it.



so its back to more mugging today.
OH WHAT FUN!




the very first time i saw you,
was special how we met.
you took me by complete surprise.
i knew my heart was set.



as days flew by, we talked again,
but it never really bothered me
i tried my best to help you out,
by a favor here, or a favor there.



although i made a fast approach,
our friendship grew and grew.
i realised how deep i cared,
but the feeling i felt was new.



in time i became attached to you.
from a hug, i didnt wanna let go.
i soon saw how close we were,
and the feeling was good to know.



for you, i wrote sweet letters and songs.
you were on my mind all day.
the thought of sleeping was nowhere near,
unless i knew you were okay.



it hit me then, what i was in -
a unique and precious love.
for the person i said was special to me
was an angel sent from above.



the minutes without you turned into days,
and the seconds with you flew fast.
i could only wish to see you more,
and make each moment last.



but that may never probably happen.
i know we will never be able to hang out like we did before
msges or online conversations doesnt really complete a friendship
thats why sometimes i wish we had more.



the times I spent with you,
were what made my heart complete.
i knew one thing for sure,
you made me happy, you really did.



and now, we love just the same,
as it doubles day by day.
i wanna stare deep into your precious eyes,
but yet i know i'll be speechless to what i should say.



with you, im in a whole new world.
you bring out the best in me.
its hard to picture you not there,
when you taught me who to be.


when things may only seem rough.
but because i'll try and i hope you do too
we'll stay strong and get by tough.



though problems may lie ahead someday,
and either of us could be right;
i promise to always be by your side,
and i promise my heart, so hold it tight.



and so, each night, beside my bed,
when there's only bright stars to see;
i pray that we may never give up,
and i pray that one day i'll finally be able to show you
just how much you mean to me.




sigh im sad.



listening to the way you look at me really makes me cry.



im working on a rather long post.
might not been done by today but yeah we'll see how it goes (:



macbeth's should think for himself.
haha lit crap.
alrighty im off.




cos there is something in the way you look at me;

okay so i know i havent been updating much lately.
ya ya ya blame exams.
its driving me maaadddd.



so basically all the harder / memorising subjects have passed
thank god.
and next week its just emath lit mt and geog paper 1!
oh yay yay yo.



wed was mt and chem paper.
mt was okaaaayy i guess?
yaya kept flipping and flipping and flipping her dictionary
damn noisy lah.
haha and she was sitting all the way in front. TSK.
and our invigilator was so irritating!
i dont know if she's just bored or what,
but she was sitting on the teachers table and playing with the walkie talkie!
and everytime she turns this small knob on it,
it'll make a funny sound
and ALL of us will turn to look at her.
and she just looks back with a 'oh, sorry' face.
i mean its understandable if it just happened once,
BUT THE FACT THAT IT KEPT HAPPENING OVER&OVER AGAIN
just got me really pissed off.



chem was like crap, i spent most of my time staring at the paper thinking
'what am i supposed to write?'
cos i didnt want to like leave blanks,
at most write rubbish lah. even if it doesnt make sense haha.
then ms ho ah can happy happy come into the class with her bigg smile and go
'girls, any questions?'
oh erm yeah ms ho, could you explain all the questions to me.
sheesh.
and everyone at the end of the paper was like
'aiya sure fail sure fail already'
boo.



amath and geog was yesterday.
amath,
when mr yong asked us to take 10 sheets of writing pad,
i was thinking
woah school trying to be generous eh, who needs 10 pieces of writing paper.
haha but i was sooooo wrong.
the paper was o-kay lah. wont comment any further.
geog geog geog.
my studying of coasts and rivers and plates paid off!
but it took me really long to figure out qn1.
i was like wondering wth the stupid instrument was.
AND I ALMOST THOUGHT IT WAS A STEVENSON SCREEN WHOOOOPS.
haha ah well its over (:



everyone was panicking this morning cos of bio.
ah i felt so unprepared ):
i made a wrong move by starting of with secion B.
cos i wanted to clear all my essay questions first.
BUT SECTION A WAS IN FACT TOUGHER THAN SECTION B.
*slaps forehead*
i shall never do something like that again.




oh yeah. and then there's always a joker that
just makes you forget about the shittfying paper.
and it was none other than, charmaine foo.
that girl ah, try to act cool also cannot make it.
today at whitesands,
she was trying to act her im-so-cool-look-at-me
with her bimbo walk and spastic face
and instead of walking into the female toilet
she almost walked into the male toilet.
ahahahahah damn hilarious lah.
i was laughing so hard man.




when i came home,
i was astonished to find several tins of paint and rollers outside my house area there.
and when i walked in,
the whole house looked like a typhoon that just came and swept everything away.
all my shelves, cupboard, table, bed, EVERYTHING.
and all cos the contractors were taking down the wallpaper in the house
to repaint everything.
walau.
so now im sitting in the living room (thank god there's no wallpaper here)
sitting on the sofa
with the labby in a slanting position
and my legs trying to avoid the heat being given out by the labby.
cos its bloody hot.
i cant do anything, dont even talk about studying.
when i dont have a proper table to write on now
and its so hot over here
and im still in my uniform
and im so sticky i feel like glue
and im having a headache with all the paint smell s:





hey to you,
i read whatever you said in your blog.
and it just got me thinking alot.
dont you know i love you so much as a friend too?
i didnt expect us to drift apart for abit ( to be honest i dont know why it happened )
but i know that you're still always there for me
and you know im always here for you yeah?
and yes, i know im sensitive.
but im just like that cos i care too much.
and i dont want to wait until i leave TK and start realising how much you mean to me,
cos frankly not talking to you much this few days in school,
i've realised how much you're actually a part of my life.
at times, it really felt damn sucky.
and now everyone's just concentrating on exams
everything's exams exams exams.
but we'll work things out once next week's over okay?
you've promised.
and i promise you too.
so now BACKSIDE WITH THE CAPITAL B,
i've missed you.
and you know i love you.
i do (:





you know you're beautiful-




shine on..
you were made to;

every step you take
reverberates within these four walls
so you take care your steps are light
moving with utmost caution on tip toe
the soles of your feet
barely brushing the cold hard floor



the diffraction of your reflection
forming spots of bright light
where the points of your beauty intersect
all your flaws seem to fade
with one look at your face



the hum of silence, lingers
ringing, high pitched, in my ears
i do not love you
for that i will not love you



strung out
praying for some saving grace
to a higher power a higher being
doesnt it ever make you wonder



still when we've fallen out with friends
they claim we're still allowed the fig leaf of 'reconciliation'
nobody told us reconciliation
would still subject to cold hearts and disconcerting looks



when every part of me just wants to stop
stop this rage of war within me
i try to hide a bundle of nerves i really am



dont blow the shade
its the only thing thats keeping us under
the only thing thats keeping out the sun



slow jams make my heart beat a little slower
make me forget the jar on my breakfast table
or the crazy traffic jams out on the streets



saturday mornings speak of
hearty meals, get togethers and warm conversations



dreams of strangers, distant faces
people i dont know but recognize




i was bored.




i bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow
to watch the stars crash in the sea.